Forget positive thinking. Try perspective design.

The Reframe That Changed My Daughter's Day

My daughter didn't want to go to school last week. A classmate had been unkind, not quite bullying, but that low-level meanness that slowly chips away at a child's confidence. The kind of thing that's hard to report but impossible to ignore.

We talked about it. I offered the usual parental wisdom. None of it seemed to land.

Then, on the walk to school, something impulsive took over. I started singing. Loudly. On the street. Taylor Swift's new song "Opalite."

My daughter looked at me the way children look at parents who have clearly lost their minds. But somewhere between the second and third verse, something shifted. She joined in. Quietly at first, then louder.

At the school gates, I pointed to the lyrics: "But my mama told me, it’s alright. You were just dancing through the lightning strikes."

I explained what I thought Taylor meant: life throws things at you, challenges, unkindness, moments that feel unbearable. You can't stop the lightning. But you can decide to dance through it. Those comments from that kid? They're just lightning strikes. Small flashes of electricity that feel scary but pass.

She went in. When she came home that afternoon, she was beaming. "I danced, Mama. I danced."

What happened here wasn't magic. It was reframing.

Cognitive psychologists have studied this extensively. Reframing means changing the way we interpret a situation without changing the situation itself. Same facts, different meaning. Same kid being mean, different story about what it means.

What I accidentally did was give my daughter a metaphor, a way to hold the experience that made it feel manageable. Lightning is scary, but lightning passes. And when you're dancing, you're not standing still waiting to get hit.

This is behavioural design applied to parenting. I didn't try to fix her feelings or lecture about resilience. I changed the context of how she was interpreting her experience. That's easier, faster, and far more powerful.

For yourself: When facing difficulty, ask: what metaphor am I living in right now? Is this a disaster, or a lightning strike?

For your kids: Stories and songs reach places that lectures never will. Give them language for their experience.

For your teams: When morale is low, don't just address the problem. Offer a new way of seeing it.

The power of reframing isn't positive thinking. It's perspective design.

Why Singing Works

Singing together releases oxytocin, the hormone of connection and trust. It synchronises breathing, heart rates, and even brain waves. Research shows that group singing is one of the fastest ways to create social bonding, which is why every culture has its songs.

But here's the surprising part: you don't need a group. Studies suggest that even singing alone produces measurable reductions in cortisol (the stress hormone) and improvements in mood.

When I started singing on that school walk, I wasn't thinking about neuroscience. I was just being silly. But my body knew what my brain hadn't figured out yet: sometimes the fastest way out of your head is through your voice.

Got a hard day ahead? Sing in the shower. Sing in the car. Sing walking down the street. Your neighbours might think you're strange. Your nervous system will thank you.

Until next week,

Astrid Groenewegen

Co-Founder of SUE | Behavioural Design Academy, Author of 'The Art of Designing Behaviour' / 'De Kunst van Gedrag Ontwerpen'.